Four Senses { feigned }

A rush of water, cascading, converging with the calm. Maybe solace will be found. Again, my focus with this painting was taking absolute control out of the equation. No paint brushes, only three colors of blue and titanium white. I used a piece of cardboard only 2 inches long to drag drops of paint across the canvas. There was no desired outcome for the piece, I just let it happen and was done. It was a release. Look at what objects you have in your environment and paint with those and see what happens?  I'm thinking about doing a video? I need more confidence for that :)

Sound; the ticking clock sounding off each hollow hour, the pounding of each heavy heart beat. 

Feeling; deep, from the core, so empty you feel full, the warm saline rush from heavy lids released.

Sight; no matter how terrible the world is, the beauty of it all still echoes across every inch of it, while the reflection in the mirror no longer looks like you.

Taste; bitter and then sometimes sweet, often forbidden or more exact- undeserved. 

When they ask you if you're okay. You say yes.You smile. You laugh. You exude a feigned confidence in that moment- and they believe and maybe you do to?

Where is your Oscar? You're acting your heart out but there is no silver screen performance bringing to life the script written. No, this is real life, and we forget, we are all actors in our own woven plots. We are our own intended victims of our main characters- ourselves. 

These are the things I contemplate. I remember when it wasn't like this. How do I get back there again? How do I find that person I used to be? The girl who wore a meaningful smile? Who had the confidence to conquer the world? The girl with the contagious laugh and happy heart?

I will find her again. I can only hope. 

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